I’ve had a hard time forgiving God for my mother’s fourteen years of dying by inches with Alzheimer’s. I could not see any good coming from it.

It hit me today, that my walking with her through that gives me a heads up on my journey with it. And since I am aware of my losses partly through seeing hers, I can share the journey and the grace I am finding in it. Not sure how this can help others, but hoping it can somehow.

TO BEGIN WITH A WARNING: I did fine on the verbal tests the doctors give. I took them in the morning when I am usually at my best. I had to fight to get the Nuclear MRI test that shows the damage to the brain. It showed a definite area of my brain that is no longer getting oxygen through a blockage to blood flow.

But the classic symptom I myself had missed recognizing was forgetting what I did and becoming paranoid and blaming others. Often people with Alzheimer’s misplace things and think caregivers or others are stealing them.

In my case, driving back from Nashville after not sleeping on the plane trip from Portugal, I was so tired that I was afraid I’d fall asleep on the way to Dickson. I decided that a milkshake would keep me awake long enough to get home, instead of coffee which might keep me from much needed sleep. So, I stopped at a Sonic that didn’t have a drive through window. On the back side there were open slots, but pulling into them showed a sign that they were out of order. I pulled into two and finally on the third, I was trying to see if the sign was on its menu without pulling all the way in. Focused to the left I heard a “Klunk” to my right. I thought my right mirror had hit the right side menu but backed out without any change on the mirror. Since that one was out of order too, I gave up.

The next two days I didn’t leave the house between jet lag sleep and unpacking. On the third day I went to the grocery, not noticing a large dent and a long streak of yellow paint down the passenger side of my car’s hood! Sometimes I’m too focused and oblivious to the obvious!! In my defense, I’m very short also!

On the fourth day I noticed the damage and forgetting the “Klunk” decided that there was no way a truck or car could have done this because of where the car had been parked ever since I came home and even at Walmart. I had a Democrat candidate’s hat on my dash board facing front and I decided that someone in my neighborhood had made a political response!!!

I reported this to our wonderful apartment manager and he didn’t think any of my neighbors would have done this, but said I should report it to the police. Well, two child police came and were obviously convinced I had done this and was lying. I was furious that just because I am old, they treated me like I was senile or lying. My insurance people were great, but did want the police report.

In the middle of the night, I woke up with the horrible memory of the “Klunk” at the drive-in!

Early the next morning a police detective called. And I confessed the whole scenario to him, complete with apologies to the child police persons. Since my altercation with a menu was not in Dickson he closed the file. I confessed to the insurer and they still paid for the repair.

I was pretty sure the damage to the car was worse than to the menu and didn’t feel any responsibility for it, but I did pray that God would let me know if I should quit driving.

Two weeks later in a parking lot downtown, I backed into a pole. There was no damage to car or pole, but I decided this was God’s way of getting me off the roads.

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