Category Archives: I’m somebody?
The Call to Change
I am still reading Richard Rohr’s “Jesus’ Alternative Plan …The Sermon on the Mount.” It’s not a simple or easy read. I have to stop and reflect and sometimes write about the awareness he provokes. Part of my delight is his confirmation of so much of what I’ve had to learn the hard way, from experience. But I think that is the best way because it helps facilitate actual change, not just intellectual assent. As I get farther in the book, I am challenged to face the areas in my psyche that have not been transformed yet by appropriation, that are still just intellectual assent. The journey gets harder along the way and I’ve been on it a long time. I’m obviously a slow learner!
Rohr is a theologian, so sometimes his language gets beyond my everyday understanding and makes me feel stupid. Then I have to struggle with both Google and my feelings of intimidation, so I won’t skip over those parts.
I’m in a very challenging part of my journey and I’m really struggling with it. I use various escapes often and don’t deal with issues that involve so much hard, even painful, self-honesty. I really resist being willing to die to what I like about myself. Which is what we have to do to focus on the nitty-gritty areas in order to see what needs to be let go. And then the hardest work is giving up my emotional pain relievers that I hang on to that keep me from experiencing the growing pains.
One of my escapes is depression. At an unconscious level it’s a choice. My other escape is being around other people who are also letting themselves focus on the bad things in the world outside them, rather than the things within us that need changing. There are some things we can do to try to make the world our version of better. But the biggest challenge ultimately is ourself that with honesty and grace we are called to change for the better. For most of us the “Beatitudes” are a greater challenge on the spiritual journey than the ten commandments.
Ultimately our spiritual journey is the same as Oscar, the Grouch’s: admitting it’s our own attitude that needs changing and seeking the grace to do it.
And sometimes I have needed either a Spiritual Director or a group that is also seeking the grace to grow and change. Right now I don’t have either, but I am seeing and hearing God’s call to change. So, I am focusing on that part of the journey and Rohr’s book really focuses on that challenge. God is in the timing!
Challenges for Me
These are two thoughts from Mark Manson’s Posts “Your Next Breakthrough” TWO THINGS FOR YOU TO ASK YOURSELF Would you rather have attention than happiness? Does this explain any of the recurring problems within your life? ONE THING FOR YOU TO TRY THIS WEEK Give up the desire to be right, to be heard, to be appreciated. See what happens. You might be surprised.
The following spoke to me because it makes me feel good about myself to try to help someone else, but it sometimes really may be a way of avoiding the challenges in my own life. This was from a reader who had a breakthrough from Mark’s challenges. “Taking responsibility is very important. But what about the hazard of taking responsibility for other people’s lives? To take responsibility for one’s own life is life-changing, whereas taking responsibility for another (adult’s) life could just be a distraction that we use to avoid the harder things in our own lives. Not only is it a distraction, but it can be damaging to that person. In fact, this is where “enabling” comes on—when you take responsibility for someone else’s problem to such an extent that you make it easier for them to keep committing the same mistakes. Allowing someone we care about to take responsibility for their own issues and mistakes can be incredibly difficult because it requires us to watch that person we love suffer. But by protecting that person from the suffering inherent in owning their mistakes, you rob them of the ability to learn, grow, and find meaning in them.”
I’m Somebody!
When my youngest was about two, I tried to tape him talking to his Grandmother ‘Poppy,’ who lived a long way from us. As I turned the tape on, he froze. Finally, I prompted him, “Tell ‘Poppy’ your name.” In anguish, he shouted, “I’m somebody! I’m somebody!”
Reflecting on his cry, I’ve recognized it as the deepest longing of every heart.
Once, as I was going deeper and deeper into a cavern with my geology teacher brother pointing out levels of rock more and more eons old, I felt like I was shrinking into nothing but a pinpoint dot in eternity. But suddenly as in my mind came the words, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lamb of God,” I realized why Jesus came to earth as a helpless, homeless baby and why ragged, smelly shepherds were the first to see him and know that he was the long-awaited Messiah. It was so even the least of us would know that we matter to God.
Years later, I was alone in the middle of the night on a hilltop in the soft silence of a new fallen snow. I was literally stunned to see more stars than I had ever even imagined. Again, I had that feeling of being infinitesimally small in the scheme of things. But then I realized that I am a part of God’s creation. Without me, there would be an empty space. That without any one of us, God’s kingdom would be incomplete. It would be like a beautiful painting with a tiny unfinished blank space or a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece. Or even more, it would be like a tiny lost lamb to a loving shepherd.
When we bow in our hearts in worship, feeling our spirit kneel before the magnificence of God, listen for His voice saying, “I am your God. The least of you belong to me. Jesus is my Love fleshed out for all. Go tell all others that they are a beloved child of God.”
Laughter: Carbonated Grace 