Monthly Archives: February 2013

The Zen of Cats

I found some notes today on a delightful little book I bought in England years ago: The Power of Meow
by Bernard Gunther about Rumi, his cat.

The following are quotes from this:

I have known three zen masters in my lifetime.  All of them were cats.

Zen is nothing special; just doing one thing at a time.

The power of meow is fully being at this moment, completely present, totally aware of your boundless, real, authentic, cat like nature.

Life is like a cat. It often doesn’t do what you want it to.  It tests, annoys, frustrates, fascinates, exacerbates, and sometimes confuses you. ….

For, life is not your fantasy.  It is what’s ultimately good for you.  Because all in all, life itself is your spiritual teacher, your guruh.

When you learn to deal with what is not ideal, your life will be a good deal easier.

Spirituality is about being fully present (open) in every moment to moment relationship and situation.

If you make a mistake, make it a take, learn from it.  Don’t dwell on it, forgive yourself and move on.  Some people suffer just for the hell of it.

Value what you have as much as what you want.

Rumi, being always present, does not have to achieve anything or get anywhere.  So he can be spontaneous, free, with no obsession, tragic story, or chronic fear.  Life is a constantly unfolding playful mystery.

Every moment, thought, feeling, experience, or situation is an opportunity for greater awareness and transformation.

Who you think you are can’t survive, but who you really are can’t not survive.

True love is being in love with the ultimate source of love.

We are all melting in the fire of Ultimate Love’s intention.

No you

No me

No Rumi

Just we.

This spoke so loudly at the time and once again in the now.  I definitely have spiritual Alzheimer’s.

He Who Began a Good Work in You, Will Be Faithful to Complete It.

In old age, the life question, “Why am I here?” becomes, “Why am I still here?”
In the past fifteen years scientists have discovered that the natural human life span
may be one hundred and twenty years or more. I’m not sure if this is good news or bad news!
Does the Gospel message have any good news for the challenges of later life?
Many people have conscientiously lived the Gospel message, that it is better to give than to
receive all their lives, so they find it difficult to figure out how to answer the call, “Come, follow
me,” when they are flat on their back, stuck in a wheelchair, in pain, and dependent on family
or nursing home care.
I’ve become convinced that following Jesus in our later years is a completely different
call. Jesus does not limit the “Come Follow Me” to his years of healing the sick, feeding the
hungry, and taking the Good News of God’s love to others. It includes following Him, like loyal,
doubting Thomas to Jerusalem, where we know that in worldly terms, things will not go well.
Jesus was in God’s accelerated class. What He learned from His experiences on Good
Friday may take the rest of us years.
Through my years in a wheelchair, I experienced things that I never would have, if I
were walking under my own power. Painful and challenging as these were, they were learning
experiences. Shocks do get our attention.
Shock One: was being imprisoned. I could no longer go either when or where I wanted.
I was helpless and dependent on others.
Shock Two: was that my church community pretty much went about their busy lives without
me. I felt abandoned even by my Christian family.
Shock Three: Though blessed with free air travel abroad, I discovered that the handicapped
are literally hated in many countries. (Note: Many people were kind in these countries, but the negative experiences were a shock.) In the Czech Republic, I was hissed at and we were forced
off the sidewalks into the streets and even out into the rain by middle-aged, middle-class
looking women. In Lucerne, Switzerland a taxi driver with a trunk easily spacious enough for the
wheelchair, vehemently and arrogantly refused to take us from the airport.
In a two story museum in Paris, we were told that the elevator was out of order, though we
could see workers using it. In Vienna, the manager of our small hotel refused to help
us find a safe place on the ground floor for the wheelchair that wouldn’t fit into the tiny
elevator.
The first few times I experienced this kind of rejection, I cried at night realizing that it didn’t
matter to these people, whether I was a good person, smart, talented, or had even achieved
things. I was rejected, because in their eyes I was defective, and that probably threatened to
force them to recognize their own vulnerability as human beings. These experiences made me
feel terribly naked and vulnerable out on the streets among hostile strangers. In fact, we would
go blocks out of our way, when we spotted groups of young skin heads on the street.
Shock Four: When we had to struggle to get me and the wheelchair up long flights of stairs
while hurrying to make a connecting train, no one offered any assistance, some even
angrily pushed past us. Those days left me with both a great deal of physical pain and the
emotional pain of feeling so universally rejected.
But grace came in Prague in a huge ancient cathedral. As we toured the cathedrals of Europe
several things struck me. One: the only people actually using them for prayer were the old,
mostly women. Two: The Catholic ones were filled with gold and silver ornaments and
elaborate tombs of Popes and Bishop, the Anglican/Episcopal ones were filled with gold and
silver and elaborate tombs of Kings and Queens and other nobility. The Presbyterian one in
Scotland was a little less gilded, but no less ornate and filled with the tombs of warriors.
In Prague the cathedral not only had many gilded angels, ornaments, and tombs, but one
room with walls almost completely covered with embedded semi-precious stones.

My son wanted to climb to the top of the bell tower and my husband was taking photos of all the

glitter. It was jam packed with tourists, so they parked me in a dim unadorned corner without
any people in it. I was newly wounded by my experiences of rejection and when my son and
husband were gone a long time, I began to feel depressed and sorry for myself. I started
looking around for something that represented the love of God, not the silver and gold in
honor of men. Finally, I looked up at the wall behind me. There was a life size wooden crucifix
with the body of Jesus right over me. We were alone together in the darkness, since the crowd
was entranced by the silver and gold and the famous. I remembered a quote from Paul Caludell,                                        “Jesus did not come to explain away suffering or remove it.  He came to fill it with his presence.”

Somehow in that moment, I experienced a oneness with Him. We were in this together. I
was not alone and never would be.
God chose, through Jesus, to experience our loss of purpose, imprisonment, falling
under the weight of the cross, needing the help of strangers, being
stripped of image, being rejected by the world for vulnerability,
being abandoned by friends, suffering physical and mental pain that makes the minutes
seem like hours and the hours like eternity, and even finally feeling abandoned by God.
Yet, still saying, “ God, into your hands I commit my spirit.”
I knew then, that He is not only with me and all of us, but He is in us, experiencing
everything through us. Right then, right now, and always. He told us that whatever is done to
even the least of us is done to Him. And in the helplessness of old age, we are finally freed to
accept being the least, those totally dependent on God. We are not alone, ever. And
when that becomes more important to us, than all the losses we mourn, I think we get to go
home.

Vanity, the Great Motivator

I’ve written about being a charter member of the Church of Devout Cowardice and how in my sixties, I finally decided I might as well risk riding down a luge on a tour in Austria, since I was already in pain and in a wheelchair.

Recently, I turned seventy-five about the same time my great-grandson turned sixteen . I suggested we celebrate together by riding a new zip line in our area. But, he must have inherited my genes and joined my old church, because he said, “NO WAY!”

Then to my dismay, I discovered that the upper age limit is sixty-five. I considered trying to get a fake ID, but thought perhaps that was a bad example for my great-grandchildren.

Suddenly, I ugly laughed out loud, remembering that a few weeks ago, I had done something with a lot more potential for serious injury than riding a zip line.

We were invited to go out to dinner and the symphony with some young and glamorous  family members, so I bought my first pair of high heels in about twenty-years.  Even after several days of practice walking in them, I had to cling to my husband’s arm most of the evening. (I left my walker at home. Somehow, it seemed to defeat the effect of the high heels.)

Adventure has nothing on vanity as a motive for risk taking.

Alzheimer’s and Other Cruel Realities (Readers Beware; This is a Downer.)

One of the most difficult things for me to accept is that for some problems there are no good answers. That you have to choose the option that does the least harm to the least number of people. At some gut level, even at seventy-five, I am still screaming in protest at this reality.
My mother’s fourteen years of dying by inches with Alzheimer’s came close to destroying my marriage, my faith, and very close to destroying me. To this good day, sometimes when I let myself experience those memories, I still want to howl with anger and guilt and anguish over her suffering . Here is something I wrote when struggling with this painful time in my life.
MY GOOD FRIDAY GOD

What kind of God are you, dying like that?
I want a real God, a fix it God,
not one that gets Himself crucified.
You’re just as helpless as the rest of us;
here we are dying together.
What a weird way to save a world!

Such sorrow pierced your mother.
Yet, she didn’t run away.
She stayed there suffering too.
Was she filled with a mother’s self doubt?
“Could she have done anything
that would have made a difference?”

I watched my mother die by inches.
Her dignity destroyed
by fourteen years of Alzheimer’s.
I’ve seen my children make choices
that would cost them for years.
I could only ask, “Am I to blame?”

I listened to my friend whose mind
had become her enemy.
I heard her despair, yet could not help.
I hate being helpless, not good enough
or smart enough to help
even the ones I love the most.

Not long ago, you did miracles,
in my own small life.
Now I just see our shared brokenness.

You are a Good Friday God.

I think about the expectations
you gave your disciples.
Only Judas got the picture.
How disillusioned he became.
He must have felt that you
were betraying them all.
Sometimes I’m like Judas.
And when I realize that we
are sheep being shorn,
I’m as cowardly
as Peter; asking
“Jesus who?”

But I know as well as John
that your love is perfect.
We need nothing more.
So though I, like Thomas,
fear a hard ending,
you are my Lord and my God.

I ask the grace to follow,
though through the cross you call,
my Good Friday God.

My Lord and my God.

Two times in my struggle over my mother’s suffering, God’s well timed footprints carried me through despair.

One Sunday evening, shortly after we had finally had to place my mother in a nursing home, I was driving home from my full time job as Director of a Religious Education Program at a near-by army post. It was a large program and this Sunday there had been complications and I had not managed to attend worship services. My own home church didn’t have Sunday evening services and I felt in need of Christian support. I was in deep despair over having to put my mother in a nursing facility and I was crying, as I asked God to help me accept what seemed so wrong.

As I drove home down a back road through a rural black neighborhood, I saw people going into an old looking, small and simple church. I had an impulse to turn in and join them, but told myself that it was silly. They would wonder why I was there and might not even want me there. But, as I continued down the road, about a mile from the church I saw a very elderly and somewhat frail looking gentleman in a suit. He was walking toward the church in what now was a drizzling rain. I stopped and asked him if I could give him a ride back to the church. He accepted gratefully as the rain was getting heavier. He graciously invited me to join them, seeming quite sincere, so I decided this was confirmation of my impulse.
The service turned out to be a gathering of choirs from local black churches. As I sat there wondering why I was there, one choir group sang a spiritual about Someday, when we are with Jesus, we’ll understand the reason for our sorrows. I could hear the reality of the suffering, but I could also hear the faith of generations of blacks that trusted through centuries of injustice and personal hard endings. I heard God speaking to me in that song, sung by those that knew both hardship and faith greater than mine.

The second time God reached out to me in another moment of despair was shortly after my mother died.  Any delusions of reprieve or revelation, that I might have clung to, were now in ashes. I was in my parked car at a rural intersection, having arrived early to share a ride to a meeting with a friend. Sitting there with nothing to distract me, I felt unable to handle the overwhelming sadness. As I prayed for grace, I noticed a house with a small gift shop in the front. I got out of my car and went in. The minute I walked through the door, one card in a large display of greeting cards leapt out at me. Large script letters in bold colors said,

“EARTH HAS NO SORROW THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL.”

These two gifts of God’s timing are markers of remembrance for me of God’s presence in our sorrows.

Lately, I have had reason to revisit them, as I spend time with a dear friend suffering from dementia. When I drive home from our visits, I often relive my sorrow over my mother’s suffering.
Sometimes it’s hard to keep going to see my friend, because I’m a problem solver, a fix it kind of person, and there is so little I can do other than take her a pastry or a cappuccino. Right now I can at least bring her a tiny bubble of joy in her confusion and frailty, but I know that soon, I will only be able to sit silently and helplessly at the foot of her cross. Remembering the presence of God in the past helps me persevere.

Prayers for her and for grace for me to continue being there for her are greatly appreciated.

A Funny Thing Happened on my Way to Becoming a Grandmother.

As the mother of five, grandmother of eleven, great-grandmother of seven, and incidentally, the owner of a nicely framed diploma in psychology, I want to share some gems of wisdom gained the hard way, trial and error, with an emphasis on the error.

1. When you do co-create another human being with God, trust God a little!  He stays involved. He gives human babies to human parents. As far as I’ve been able to tell, perfect beings like angels, don’t procreate.

2. Go ahead and read the child psychology books; they can help you hear where your child is coming from. But don’t take them straight. Mix them liberally with books by Erma Bombeck. There’s nothing better than a sense of humor for keeping life in perspective.

3. Do pray unceasingly for your first child. This is your practice one. God will have to invest a lot more in that partnership.

4. Accept the fact that on your first child you will spend a lot of Saturdays with your pediatrician. There is an unwritten law of nature that children only swallow dimes on weekends.

5. But know that when your second child swallows a dime, you will just calmly feed them bread and watch for the dime to make its journey back to daylight. With the third child you won’t bother to watch for it unless you know it was minted before 1945. And your fourth child won’t swallow dimes, because they will already be full from eating the dog’s food.

In my experience, the real fun of parenting came about child number four and the sheer joy with child number five. But then, I always was a slow learner.

Seven Basic Facts to Help You Enjoy Your Children

1. You don’t have to enjoy all the rigors of baby care to enjoy children. Infancy doesn’t last long.

2. A child can fix a reasonably healthy breakfast for themselves (and you) by the time they are five. (Their spouse will thank you for it someday.)

3. Their first grade teacher will toilet train them if you don’t get around to it. (Though they will undoubtedly not thank you for it.)

4. The child that you bat heads with from birth to puberty will astound you by winning awards and honors in high school. (The flip side of stubbornness is perseverance.)

5. Out of five children fed the same kind of food from birth, – no matter what you do – Two will eat only hamburgers and pizza until marriage. Two will eat nourishing and well balanced meals in reasonable amounts. One will eat everything in sight in over generous amounts.

6. Almost nobody normal enjoys their own Junior High age kids. But, God can give you enough grace to keep your homicidal tendencies reasonably repressed,  and if you hang loose, they become interesting people and friends somewhere between 21 and 30. (Don’t let anyone tell you that God isn’t still doing major miracles.)

7. And best of all, some day when you are holding your brand new first grandchild and find tears of complete joy streaming down your face, you will realize how very carefully, if sometimes painfully, God has taught you to love unconditionally.

Pentecost

Pentecost Sunday just cries for the Spirit,
at least a tongue of fire or two,
or a sweeping wind that blows our minds
free of habit and ritual and rules.
So, I found a little brick church
with the name of Power and Praise.

Well, I started out pretty lively
clapping to drums with hands raised.
I thought I was blending in nicely
for a gray haired Presbyterian.
But, perhaps I should have drunk more coffee,
since after forty minutes, I ran out of steam.

I thought it might be time to sit down,
but then, a lady, who had to be over eighty,
began dancing blissfully in front of the pews.
Smiling and spinning gently around,
she looked so joyful doing this,
I found it hard to resist joining in.

But the music stopped, as we all sat down
for a seventy-five minute sermon
on the deplorable state of the world.
Though it was a bit of a downer,
with most of it I actually agreed,
until the preacher spoke about women,
who wear pants and short hair.
He said women only did this,
so they could attract other women.

That’s when I noticed I was the only woman
in the entire congregation
wearing pants and short hair.
I tried to hunker down low in the pew,
so no one would notice my pants,
but that wasn’t much help with my hair.
Thank God, I hadn’t joined in the dance.

But to give credit where credit is due,
the preacher admitted he’d been wrong before
and he might be wrong once again,
so we all should keep reading the scriptures
to let God, Himself, teach us the truth.
But though I keep searching the bible,
I haven’t found anything there
about women wearing pants or short hair.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t tempt any women,
nor did they me, as a matter of fact.
So, though, I’m a failed Pentecostal,
I probably wouldn’t be a good Lesbian either.

Consider Yourselves Leaked On.

Rick Warren, author of A Purpose Driven Life, says, “When you think of a problem over and over in your mind, that’s called worry.  When you think of a Scripture over and over in your mind, that’s called meditation. If you know how to worry, then you already know how to meditate.”

He goes on, “Meditation is simply focused thinking.  Prayer lets us speak to God.  Meditation lets God speak to us.”

And the best part to me, “The more you meditate on God’s word, the less you worry.”

He concludes that a relationship with God, that includes prayer and meditation as part of a life style of worship, leads to an awareness of the presence of God with you.

He also points out that life is a series of problems.  Either we are in one now, just coming out of one,  or getting ready for another one.  Rick says the reason for this is that God is more interested in our character than our comfort.

Another jewel that resonated for me in this book is, “The problem with living sacrifices is that they keep trying to crawl off the altar.”  Love that one.

One of the daily reflections he suggested was to come up with a metaphor for our own life.  I considered a journey, a three stooge’s movie, an obstacle course, a soap opera, but suddenly I remembered a story a friend sent me.

It was a story of a woman in a village going to the well everyday and carrying water home.  Her pots were old and cracked and they leaked, so by the time she got home, a lot had leaked out. (I’ve always said that I’m Spirit filled, but I leak, so I do relate to her plight.)  The woman felt she was a failure, because so much water was lost along the way.  Then God showed her the flowers along the path, that had bloomed because the water had leaked there over the years.

I have such a bad memory and have to relearn so many things, a spiritual director once told me that I had spiritual Alzheimer’s.  So, like the cracked pot, I leak whatever I hear of value, hoping it will take root for others, and I can relearn it from them.

Consider yourselves “leaked on.”

Not Forgiving, Creating God in Your Own Image, Awful Thoughts: Quotes from Anne Lamott

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

“You can safely assume you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you hate.”

“I thought such awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud, because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish..”

“I do not understand the mystery of grace – only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”

“I think joy, sweetness, and affection are a spiritual path. We’re here to know, love, and serve God, and to be blown away by the beauty and miracles of nature. You just have to get rid of so much baggage to be light enough to dance, to sing, to play. You don’t have time to carry grudges; you don’t have time to cling to the need to be right.”

Quotes from my favorite author, Anne Lamott.  Accessible at Anne Lamott Quotes or her books:

§  Operating Instructions: A Journal Of My Son’s First Year. Pantheon Books. 1993

§  Bird by Bird : Some Instructions on Writing and Life. Pantheon Books. 1994. 

§  Traveling Mercies : Some Thoughts on Faith. Pantheon Books. 1999. 

§  Plan B : Further Thoughts on Faith. Riverhead Books

§  Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith. Riverhead Books

§  Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son’s First Son. Riverhead Books. 2012.

Sometimes I Get Really Weary of Being an Amateur Human Being

Some days I feel like I haven’t got a clue as to what actually matters in the BIG scheme of things. I know that my motives are suspect, mixed at best.
Is seeking to experience the presence of God simply spiritual hedonism, for pleasure or escape from pain?
The scripture from Ecclesiastes, “All is vanity,” really does seem to sum life up lately.
Marquand’s point of no return haunts me. At seventy-five I fear there’s not enough time left to become the person God created me to be, the person able to give what those God put in their care need.
The scriptures about loving other believers are another scary challenge. The truth is I don’t like very many people, but I tell myself that being committed to their well being is love.
I have some serious up close and personal unresolved conflicts with a few of them. I’m trying to work on seeing through their eyes, so I can forgive, and I have made some progress. But true reconciliation takes both sides seeing through the other’s eyes. I still feel too vulnerable to work with them on that.
Does self knowledge only free us to not judge others, if we can first forgive and not judge ourselves?
Can we grow and get free only after learning to live with the humbling knowledge of who we aren’t? Sometimes I get really weary of being an amateur human being.
I truly know that God loves me unconditionally. But, something in me just won’t give up wanting to be a person God can love for whom they became with His grace. Then, I remind myself that we are only called to play the hand we were dealt and I cling to the hope that I have played my pair of deuces as well as I could with the grace of God.
And then I come full circle to “All is vanity.”
Maybe that’s where we need to be, so we can let go of ego and let God do His thing.

My number one favorite blog. An awesome post.

5kidswdisabilities's avatarRaising 5 Kids With Disabilities and Remaining Sane Blog

I led a very untraditional lifestyle when I was growing up.  My father, whom I later realized was schizophrenic, had the wanderlust to travel, which our family did for about 6 months of the year. He would remove me out of school and we would take off for various areas of the country, living in our Volkswagen van. ( Although I am sure that today’s public education system would not allow it, somehow I think my father would have taken me out anyway.)

It was quite an adventure for a child like me.  I have a vivid memory of cracking eggs in a big, black, iron frying pan over a campfire in the Badlands in South Dakota.  The rocks the pan was on were not sturdy, and the pan fell sideways with the eggs slowly leaking out onto the pine needles on the ground.  (Clumsy then…still clumsy.) I remember traveling…

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