I am trying to write about and share my current journey with Alzheimer’s in the hope that it might help others.

Most people live mentally in the safety of the past or the freedom of the present moment. Often this limits recognition of the need to accept change, particularly the kind that comes with old age. When our bodies or minds betray us, we cling to our familiar surroundings as safe places because relocating is frightening.                                                            

 But I personally have always focused on both the positive and negative possibilities of the future. When at 88 I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I knew from my mother’s fourteen-years with it that I might soon require caregivers. I don’t have enough money for a Nursing Home. After asking God to tell me when I needed to stop driving, I had two altercations with stationary objects. I took that as the answer that I needed to stop driving. Shortly afterward I started living every other three months with two of my children and their spouses, which gives each couple breaks and I help some with groceries. But this way the money I have won’t continue to be used up by rent and utilities if they ever need the help of paid caregivers. And at this point I’m only a mild challenge.

Many friends don’t recognize that I have Alzheimer’s because I’m only with them for short times and my age group is mostly a bit forgetful anyway. And I’m still aware enough to make lists and keep a calendar with me. Most of my forgetting involves words and names. Thanks to my computer and Google, I can still write, though it is much more tedious.                                                                                                                                                         Probably because of my mother’s Alzheimer’s, I recognized the beginning symptoms and had a Nuclear MRI that showed that there were areas of my brain not getting enough blood.  I’m now 89, but my doctors say I am very healthy and may live a lot longer. So, I am getting infusion treatments that may slow down the losses. I go to Twelve Stones Infusion Centers in both Nashville and Memphis. These are some of the best hours in my old age life. The personnel are not only efficient and kind, but hilariously funny and fun. I look forward to this hour every two weeks. And they have uplifting scripture quotes all over the walls and offers for prayer either with or for you. And in the information handout they stress that all genders and combinations are equally welcome. Also to ask if help is needed for financing. Since I have four generations of gays and lesbians and one trans in my family that I know about. I see this as a plus.

I’m consider myself blessed to be one of the 30 % of those with Alzheimer’s who are aware of having it. I think that helps on both sides, mine and my family’s. But I also admit that I would never have made it this far in life without accepting the unconditional love of God fleshed out in Jesus. My mom didn’t know she was losing it mentally. She once said, “Am I doing something wrong? I can tell by your face that I’m upsetting you.” There have been a lot of hard challenges in my life and I was losing it in many ways in the early easier times before grace became a conscious part of my journey. But mom’s slow dying by inches for fourteen years tested my faith more than anything else. A few days after her funeral I was waiting in my car for a friend and mentally yelling at God in anguish, “WHY? WHY! WHY!” I wiped away tears and tried to get a grip by going into a small shop there. The first thing that jumped off a stand at me was a card with big letters in bright colors that said, “EARTH HAS NO SORROW THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL!

Wonderfully, in my old age, I have become much more able to live in the present moment. And one of my best gifts is being able to laugh at myself, so now I get to laugh a lot more. A sense of humor is definitely a survival skill for old age. Playing a word form of Charades when I forget something can be fun with family.

Perhaps the biggest blessing is that in the past I have received grace to grow stronger and more loving most often through the hard times.  So, I pray for grace to somehow make it through this at least being aware enough to be kind.

Please feel free to pray for that.